The Conversations That Led Me Here

Why I opened my Social Skills Groups Peer Program

By Dr. Sarah Heller, Ed.D., BCBA, IBA, LBA-NY · Meaningful Metrics

For years, there is a theme of conversations that has always followed me home. A parent tells me, often quietly and sometimes through tears, that their child has every therapy and every service written into the week, and still spends Saturdays alone in their room. A teacher stops me in the hallway to describe a student who follows every classroom routine without missing a beat, who lines up and transitions and finishes their work, and still eats lunch alone at the same table every day. A clinician tells me, almost like a confession, that they can teach a skill beautifully inside the four walls of a session room, and then watch it disappear the moment their client steps into a hallway full of real kids doing real, unscripted things.

Each of these moments unfolds in a different room, spoken in a different voice, across a completely different year. The story underneath is always the same, and it is a story about belonging. A child can hold every skill in the world and still long for a place where connection feels natural instead of practiced, where they are welcomed exactly as they are instead of measured against how well they fit.

Belonging has to be built one relationship at a time.

I have spent more than twenty years in this field, working inside public school classrooms, early intervention programs, clinics, and agencies. I have sat on both sides of the table more times than I can count, the coffee table where a parent tells me what keeps them up at night, and the CSE table where a room full of professionals decides what happens next for that same child. Across those twenty years, the same longing kept surfacing everywhere I looked. Parents wanted their children to have friends, real ones, beyond a list of goals that had been met. Further, teachers wanted their students to feel like true members of the classroom community, beyond simply following its rules. And of course, clinicians wanted to watch the skills they built in session carry into real, living relationships beyond the walls of a session room.

None of this works without first helping a child learn to know and name what they need. Self-advocacy is the foundation every group is built on, present from the very first session. A child who has spent years being told, in ways loud or quiet, that the way they play or talk or move through a room needs fixing deserves the chance to learn something different, that their way of being is simply their way of being, worth understanding, worth sharing, and worth feeling proud of. Across every neurotype, that affirmation looks different and matters equally. Before a child in one of my groups ever practices a new social skill, they practice something quieter, learning to notice what kind of play actually feels good to them, finding the words or the AAC device or the gesture to say so, and trusting that their answer will be respected rather than corrected. That confidence becomes the compass that helps a child find their tribe, the peers who do not need an explanation for who they are because they already understand it.

Building toward that match takes real listening on my part as well, long before any two children ever share a room. I want to know how a child communicates, what lights them up, what has felt hard socially in the past, and what kind of peer might actually meet them there. A shared, intense love of a preferred topic might be enough to spark real connection between two children. It might also mean making sure a fellow AAC user is in the room, so that communicating that way never has to be explained or defended. That same care is the reason we ask for no diagnosis and no referral, and the reason we have built groups that meet online as well as in person. Belonging should never come with a waiting list of qualifications. It should simply be an open door.

My hope for every child who comes through these groups reaches beyond the hour we spend together each week. I want them to leave with a memory, a friend, an inside joke, a feeling of being genuinely wanted in a room. I want the confidence they build here to walk out the door with them and show up on a playground, at a birthday party, or during a group project at school. Skill building matters, and it is where every group begins. Belonging is what allows a child to actually thrive, carrying connection into every part of their daily life long after the session ends.

I am so full of excitement to bring this into the world, and I am even more moved by the conversations it has already started. If you are a parent who has felt this gap, a teacher who has watched a student search for connection, or a clinician who has wondered what happens after the session ends, I would love to talk with you. Reach out and tell me what you are noticing in the children and families you care about.

Learn more and sign up for a group at drsarahheller.com.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Why do neurodivergent children sometimes struggle socially even when they have all the right services?

Having therapy, an IEP, and a full schedule of services addresses skill development, but it does not automatically create connection. A child can learn to initiate a conversation, take turns, and read social cues in a session room and still spend Saturday alone, because the skills were built in one context and belonging has to happen in real life, with real peers, in unscripted moments. Social skills groups designed around genuine connection rather than compliance are built specifically to close that gap.

What is the difference between social skills training and a social skills peer group?

Traditional social skills training tends to focus on teaching specific behaviors, how to make eye contact, how to start a conversation, how to enter a group. A peer group built around neuroaffirming principles starts somewhere different: with helping a child understand and articulate their own preferences, communication style, and what connection actually feels like for them. The goal is not to produce a child who performs social skills correctly. It is to help a child find peers who understand them and a context where connection can happen naturally.

Why does the Meaningful Metrics Social Skills Group not require a diagnosis or referral?

Belonging should not come with a waiting list of qualifications. Requiring a diagnosis or referral to access peer connection sends the message that a child must first be officially identified as different before they are allowed to look for their people. The groups are built around the understanding that every child deserves a space where they are welcomed exactly as they are, and that the right peers and the right environment matter more than a diagnostic category.

What is self-advocacy and why does it come first in these groups?

Self-advocacy is the ability to know what you need and communicate it. For many neurodivergent children who have spent years being told that the way they play, talk, or move through a room needs to change, practicing self-advocacy means something quieter and more foundational first: learning to notice what kind of play actually feels good, finding the words or the AAC device or the gesture to express it, and trusting that the answer will be respected. That confidence becomes the foundation for finding genuine connection rather than performing a version of connection that feels expected.

Do the groups meet in person or online?

Both. The groups are available in person and online so that geography, logistics, and a child’s sensory or social comfort with new environments do not become barriers to participation. Whether a child joins from home or in a shared physical space, the structure and the values of the group remain the same.

How does the group matching process work?

Before any two children share a room, there is real listening. The process looks at how a child communicates, what genuinely lights them up, what has felt hard socially in the past, and what kind of peer might actually meet them where they are. A shared deep interest in a specific topic can be enough to spark real connection. For AAC users, making sure another AAC user is in the group means that communication style never has to be explained or defended. The matching is deliberate because the right environment is what makes connection possible.